Born to Fly

"How do you keep your feet on the ground when you know you were born to fly?" Sara Evans "Born to Fly"

One of my best friends sang this song for me on a compilation CD she made for her friends and family. I loved that she chose that song for me, but until recently, I didn't fully realize how perfect a song it was for me...and how fully I needed to embrace the freedom the song talked about. I thought I had embraced it fully -- choosing to be an author (Did I choose this or did it choose me?) but I still flew, or thought I was flying...but I was really flying with one foot firmly on the ground. (In case you didn't know, it's extremely tough to fly and keep your footing at the same time).

I did this because who was I to fly around while everyone else was getting married and having kids and mortgages and being grown-ups? Shouldn't I want these things too? I continued to convince myself that I was allowed to be an author as long as I did this "adult" thing too...and I tried...I did matter how much it felt that I was playing dress-up,  fidgeting in clothes that didn't fit...and it was slowly killing me from the inside...and everything went horribly wrong and the more I tried to fix it, the more things went wrong.

My whole life I have looked at things and myself and the whole world differently. I haven't ever been comfortable being what society has considered "normal" or "typical" and I have enjoyed choosing the view outside of the why did I ever think that my view of adulthood should be what everyone else considered to be an adult?

Why would I want to put an anchor (do these 'grown up' things and you can be an author) or albatross (for those of you Rime of the Ancient Mariner fans) on the very thing that gave me wings in the first place? Why would I be more concerned with winning the unattainable approval of someone who has nothing to do with or care about either my teacher side or my author side/? Why was I letting other people define what it meant for me to be an adult? Why was I staying in a city that never has felt like home and didn't let me truly fly as far or as high as I KNOW I was meant to fly?

Making some changes -- long over due...and the hardest thing I have done in almost two decades, but I am finally free to do what I know I was born to do. I'm finally free to fly.