Real-Life Struggles

It is an amazing feeling when the pen or pencil hits the paper and I can just feel the tension leave my body.

I release a breath I didn't even know I was holding and I feel free and stable and absolutely right with the world again.

Joys are more fully recognized, sorrows more clearly expressed.

I feel more and I have more awareness of my feelings.

My world is right side up again and everything just makes sense to me once more.

I think sometimes I struggle in actual face-to-face conversations because there is not time to pause, let me do some freewriting to figure out my true feelings before I answer you.

Let me write for a minute so I know what I am really mad about, happy about, what I really need or want. If I could just pause for like 10 minutes or so, my response would be so much more what I am truly feeling and I wouldn't have to fix it later.

Real life doesn't work that way -- we on't get to brainstorm and free write, go back  and edit and polish our responses. We don't get a 2nd or 3rd draft, don't get a chance to see if what we said was really what we wanted to say. I have struggled with this more and more lately. As I embrace more and more of my author life, I find myself sometimes less able to articulate my thoughts without at least an outline to refer to (the fact that I teach online where my options are always delete or send -- has further made me spontaneous conversations or challenges).

I do worry a bit if there will come a time when I am completely incapable of unscripted conversation and I will have to pass notes to every one I talk to.