September -- looking back...

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different." CS Lewis

This month has been the end of a change that started a while back and so many things changed in my life this past 30 days...it has made my head spin a bit and made it hard to keep my head above water all the time, but I did it...and am now gaining some footing and am able to look around and I am amazed at how much has changed...the final picture coming into view after the domino design of this chapter has finally fallen into place.

I am in a transition phase...redefining myself as a teacher, a profession I still am in love with but have become complacent in and now want to recharge to not lose that passion. Redefining myself as an author and what that means to me, what I need to do...what I need to continue doing...what I need to stop doing. Redefining myself as an adult...why my picture doesn't have to look like everyone else's and that it's okay to be different (really, I had to learn this?? I have been rather different my whole life). Redefining what a relationship needs to be for me. I don't need what everyone else needs, and this too, is okay.

It is amazing how we can just go along in life, trying to live up to everyone else's expectations except for our own, when really shouldn't we define life for ourselves? Shouldn't we stand up and say, "I DON'T BELONG HERE" or "THIS ISN'T ME" or "WHAT I REALLY WANT IS THIS ____________________"

Everywhere I look there are signs pointing at me about freedom...freedom from other people's expectations, freedom from other people's rules, freedom from what society expects of me, freedom from ties that existed (maybe only in my own mind), and signs about embracing my true self...the teacher in me...that it is not only okay to love my job, but it is needed...the author in me...that it is okay if some others don't see the value or reality of this, I see it...and it will happen...that it is okay to be ME!!! That I don't have to want what everyone else wants...in a home, in society, in love.

So the challenge has been presented to me...to embrace these changes and run with them...okay, not run (Doctor told me not to, after all, and I would hate to go against his orders) but to follow where this path is taking me...so I will.