Who I Am

"I wish you could see me now I wish I could show you how I'm not who I was... I write about love and such Maybe cuz I want it so much... I was thinking maybe I, I should let you know I am not the same, But I never did forget your name." "I'm not who I was" Brandon Heath.

Recently a good friend told me I was "probably one of the least broken women I've ever met" and I had to stare at the message for a minute until I realized that it was an absolutely true statement and I also realized that once again, I had proven my Master's Thesis right. My research was about using writing as therapy...using the idea of "free association" of psychology and applying it to paper. And as I have been writing and writing and writing, I have healed my scars, both real and imaginary. And just like Brandon Heath's song, I'm not who I was. When I taught high school, another friend once asked me why "Ms. Sodaro" was so different than Michelle, and that question has stuck with me for over a decade. I used to have this separate mask for Ms. Sodaro -- who was always confident and strong and sure, whereas Michelle was not any of these things. Now Michelle is generally the same person as Ms. Sodaro and as such, I am a better teacher and a stronger person over all. Writing did all of this for me. Putting pen to paper every day (if possible). That is always my goal -- every day, whether it is for 30 minutes or 16 hours, I put pen to paper and as the ink fills the page, scars are healed, wrongs are forgiven (not forgotten -- they could be plot points later), and peace fills the pieces of me that once were broken. Sometimes it takes a friend to see us clearly because we have gotten too used to seeing the scars that we forget to look at the new skin and growth. Master's Thesis...for the win.